Holding up just fine...

My updates are getting a little harder to do. Please forgive me. I have been more and more tired that all I really want to do is sleep and rest. I will probably let someone else do the updating for me probably my mom, I feel bad dumping this on her, but I dont know how well I can do this.

I went to the Cancer Center to receive some more Methotrexate. I sucked on ice while getting the drug. Sucking on ice helps cut the circulation to my tongue and the general mouth area with the hopes that the drug will not affect my mouth and avoid the possibility of mouth sores. My mom also bought special mouthwash and toothpaste that I have diligently use everytime I wake up, eat, and go to bed. I would rather overwash my mouth this week rather than contracting sores. I guess cleanliness is key to avoid crazy side effects.

My back is feeling much better. Whenever I overwork myself the pain comes back and so I try not to overdo anything and make sure that I get plenty of rest throughout the day. Slept the day away after my chemo yesterday. Today I am also struggling with the fatigue, I do hope that my energy comes back soon but at the same time I am very grateful that its the only major side effect that I have to deal with.

Please forgive me if I havent returned your phone calls or emails at the moment. I am having difficulty finding the strength to talk or be on the computer for a period of time. I will open all the emails and listen to my voicemail whenever I start feeling better. Visits are also difficult right now as much as I enjoy seeing everyone's lovely faces I just cant focus.

I hate this situation. I hate taking my meds. I hate feeling lousy and in pain. I hate that I cant be out and enjoy the summertime. I hate seeing my mom so busy and overwhelmed.

But as much as I hate all of this I know that life doesnt stop just because im upset. I am old enough to know that I have to face life's challenges head on. No matter how much I hate it.